Accountability

It occurred to me after I lazily took the family to McDonalds after a long day, that I'm not holding up my end of the bargain. A bargain I made with myself. A little over a month ago, I decided that I'm a little too close to 30 and little too close to 230lbs. So, I got serious. Bought an elliptical from a friend at work and there begins my journey. Being the only one in the household (which includes the hubby James and my son Ryan, 5 and daughter Jordan, 3) exercising and trying to eat healthy, it didn't get off to that easy of a start. But I pushed through. I stopped drinking soda and starting drinking only Green Tea and water. I tripled my fiber intake and did nothing that Dr. Oz would disapprove of! It went surprisingly well...until about a week ago.

I started dreaming of chocolate bars. Fountain drinks. And my biggest weakness...Burger King. I could feel myself giving up. Went from exercising everyday to every other day. Went to a Porcupine Tree concert that involved standing for 5 hours. For someone who is tickling 230lbs...yeah...not that much fun. I hurt my back. Couldn't walk. So of course, I was in no shape at all to exercise....apparently for the next 3 days. My 4th day, I busted my butt and got back on it. Somewhere between then and now, I stalled. I'm more tired than ever. The fiber, if you excuse me, isn't working!

So at work today, I started off alright. Had my double fiber english muffin. Picked up some coffee (which I just learned is good in moderation) and went into work. For my intended lunch, I brought with me a Healthy Choice Mixer: Sesame Teriyaki Chicken. If you plan on eating this in the future, do it somewhere where no one else is around and when you are in a masochistic mood. This stuff was horrible. Smelled like there was a gas leak in a pineapple field. And the taste wasn't much better. A co-worker called me and asked me to go to our once favorite eatery. A Chinese restaurant of course. Ate it (the food not the building) and quickly felt like crap. A mixture of nausea and guilt. I drove home with a hint of the dry heaves. Then, I get home. (thunder clap) Neither James or I feel like cooking. He's been up since 5a and I have something about to come up. So of course, the logical resolution...McDonalds. This place's food not only makes me feel lethargic but when already nauseas, it makes you feel like slipping into a coma.

I feel more guilt now than ever. I throw myself on the bed and wonder if I'm ever going to be able to get my motivation back. James comes upstairs and asks me what I'm doing; acknowledging the fact that I'm not sweating from a workout. I tell him I just don't feel good. He shrugs his shoulders and walks out the room. At that moment, I thought, "Geez, what a fat ass. You're almost 27 years old and a little tummy ache is gonna sideline you? How pathetic". So I got my "fat ass" up, put on my workout gear and speed walked a good mile around the neighborhood. When I got home, I felt like throwing up. But I puffed up my chest and popped in my Biggest Loser workout DVD. 5 minute warm-up, 20 minute cardio and a 5 minute cool down. I haven't sweat so much since my best friend's wedding outside in 115-degree heat! But the point is, I did it.

But I didn't really have anyone to share it with. And the only person I had to be accountable to, was myself. Seeing as how I'm in this situation, I can't trust myself to keep it up. So, here I am. Blogging. I figure, If I post my successes and my failures for all (my) world to see, I've got to keep it up! There is nothing I hate more than for someone to be disappointed in me. This should do the trick!! This may be a long first post, but in order for me to move forward, you need the back story. So join me, please, in my journey to lose...wait for it...76lbs!! For those who know me well, you know the significance of this number. :) So far, I am down 6lbs from 1 month ago. So I figure by my 28th (another significant number) birthday, I will be at or close to my goal weight of 152lbs. I'm hoping this blog will help me be accountable to myself and keep myself in check. I need to stay focused and on target. In the meantime, I'll be "losin' it"!